All relationships are imperfect, but when a relationship brings more suffering than well-being, we need to be careful.
Here are the alarm bells of a toxic relationship.
In the context of relationships , the term “toxic” is often used to describe a situation where the relationship causes pain and suffering. In fact, we hear more and more often about toxic relationships , but what exactly does it mean to be in a toxic relationship ?
Toxic relationships are relationships where you feel unsupported, wronged, misunderstood, and sometimes even humiliated or attacked.
Let’s remember that relationships – in the family, at work and especially with our partner – affect our lives and our mental health , so it’s important to know how to recognize when a relationship is dysfunctional for our well-being , understand the reasons and learn how to manage it by putting the right boundaries.
When is a relationship toxic?
We can define a toxic relationship when it produces negative effects on our life and happiness , preventing us from growing and achieving well-being and personal growth. However, it is not always easy to recognize them and get out of them.
There are several relationship dynamics that can hide signs of a toxic relationship, which are often masked and hidden.
Alarm bells:
- Lack of Mutual Respect: The first alarm bell is lack of mutual respect. If you are not treated with respect, there can be no question of a healthy and constructive relationship. A toxic relationship is often based on manipulating, controlling, or humiliating the other. Constantly disqualifying your partner won’t help them grow and improve.
- Wanting to change your partner: it is normal that your partner is not perfect, and that there are some things that we would like to improve. However, there’s a big difference between recognizing some imperfections and trying to make your partner a completely different person. If you constantly feel dissatisfied with your partner’s characteristics and try to change them, whether through words or actions, or if you feel that you are not appreciated for who you are, it means that there is a problem in your relationship . Love passes through the acceptance of the other.
- Jealousy and Control: Jealousy is a common emotion in many relationships, but when it becomes a form of control and lack of trust in the other, the relationship becomes toxic. If your partner is constantly monitoring you, always doubting you and trying to stop you from doing certain things, like meeting friends or leading an outside life, then you are living in a dysfunctional relationship. It is important to carefully analyze how many times your partner makes you feel oppressed or controlled and vice versa, how often it is you who is suffocating and controlling, feeling distrust towards him. If these behaviors are very present in your relationship, you need to pay attention.
- Unbalanced Power Dynamics: In a healthy relationship, power and authority are equally distributed between both parties. In a toxic relationship, however, one party may seek to exercise power and control over the other by leveraging an economic or cultural difference.
How to get out of a toxic relationship:
When you realize that the malaise in a relationship exceeds the moments in which you feel good and happy, you need to rethink the dynamics of the couple.
Let’s remember that it is not possible to change the other, but it is possible to change the way relationships are lived because one is always an active part of them. If we feel badly treated or if the partner disrespects us, let’s keep in mind that we are the ones who allow the other to do it, so we are always the ones who have to prevent it by putting stops or boundaries in the relationship. We must learn to respect each other first , and if necessary, we can also decide to end the relationship. If we feel we can’t do without a toxic relationship , it could be due to an emotional addiction : these are dysfunctional dynamics that have nothing to do with love.
No relationship is perfect and sometimes you can experience situations similar to those described. However, if reading this article has triggered an alarm bell, if there are more moments in which you are sad, angry and unhappy, it is important to reflect on it and be honest with yourself, stop justifying the other. We have to ask ourselves if we are truly happy.