More and more the sexual and emotional sphere is moving online. There are dating apps, there are social media , there is sexting. The virtual makes you safer and more uninhibited, but are we aware of the risks?
Sexuality made of contact, caresses and cuddles should be left to the nostalgic and romantic boomers , perhaps. Today and more and more the sexual sphere concerns the virtual world and new technologies. Relationships, getting to know each other, but also affection and eroticism have taken on a new form, rather distant from fleeting glances, slow seduction, discovery and long waiting. Being perpetually online and moving the search for a special person to the web has become commonplace. So let’s try to better understand what it is and how to move.
Have we become a Swipe society?
Never as during the times of lockdown have people, young and old, searched the web for moments and spaces for contact, knowledge and exchange, even of a sexual nature. Someone talks about swipe society, i.e. a society where you know each other only through the swipe of your finger on the smartphone display . Yes, because acquaintance takes place via phone and tablet and there’s not even a need to download specific apps (such as Tinder, Meetic, Lovoo, Badoo, OkCupid, Facebook Dating, Grindr, GayRomeo, Wapa, Her, Bumble and there’s more for all tastes), because it is sufficient to use the private messaging of social networks like Facebook or Instagram. Courtship then becomes a light, pleasant and fun moment to be experienced everywhere and always, even with several people.
Some data
There are many studies that are trying to photograph this trend. According to a survey on young people aged between 18 and 30 declared a more frequent use of dating applications during the months of social distancing and lockdown (+3% e.g. Tinder, Grindr, Wapa, Happn, Once, etc.), online pornography (+8.1%) and sexting (+7.5%). The Censis-Bayer Report (2019) involved 1860 people between the ages of 18 and 40 to question them about new sexual behaviors. According to the survey, 16.5% of Americans take photos or record videos during sexual intercourse, while 37.5% practice sexting.
Because it’s easier
There are many reasons why relationships and meetings have moved to a virtual dimension. Let’s try to see point by point because it’s easier than live.
- Online it’s easier to talk about each other , confess, devote yourself to topics or conversations, even of great intimacy, which could be embarrassing in person, especially for the more shy ones.
- Exposing ourselves in small doses and in a reasoned way, it is easy to build an ideal or idealized self -image , hiding aspects, defects or characters that we do not like or do not want to share.
- NO time or place limits: you can chat at any time of the day, even at night, and from wherever you are.
- More time available for replies : during a chat you have much more time to think and elaborate an answer and it is also possible to delete a sentence that does not convince us before the other reads it
- On Apps and social networks there is the possibility of talking to several people in parallel, without any exclusivity, even at the same time.
- The perception is that of a lower risk, because one can disconnect at any time and interrupt exchanges with the other.
What is Sexting
A truly widespread phenomenon, especially among the youngest, in the great world of digital erotic communication is sexting. The word comes from the words sex and texting (sending SMS) and indicates the sending of more or less explicit sexual messages, texts and/or images , mainly via mobile phone or other devices.
According to the interesting ebook written by the Order of Psychologists of “Sexuality and social networks”: “sexting can be seen as a phase of approaching the partner or person in question, a sort of real petting revised in a technological key. Whether it’s a teenager approaching his first erotic experiences, or an adult who already has a sexual life, sexting allows you to get involved, to fathom unknown terrain, to test oneself with images, with the body and above all with words”, controlling one’s fears and embarrassments.
The Risks of Sexting and Online Sexuality
However, sexting must be practiced with awareness , because that sense of protection that the screen gives is actually decidedly illusory. “Taking a photo in a sensual pose and sending it to your partner is a fairly widespread phenomenon by now – reads the text of the Order of Psychologists of Lazio – but often we do not take into account the fact that those photos are stored on a digital device and are therefore in the hands of others, with all the risks involved. Let’s try to imagine a partner who, when relations deteriorate, would still remain in possession of the material received, and who could spread it to take revenge or to brag about it to friends or more simply to make a joke in bad taste. The psychological consequences on the victim can be devastating and enormously serious”.
Minors and crimes
Exchanging messages with sensual and erotic content in itself is not a crime, and remains a game if practiced between consenting adults. But be careful, because the risks are many. “Where the material involves subjects under the age of 18, the story can become criminally relevant”. There is talk of crime and violence, even for adults, in the event that threats arrive to receive material videos or photographs taken without consent, through violence, threats or deception, can recall the crime of private violence. Finally, among the most serious crimes, we find sextortion, which consists of threatening to spread sexually explicit videos/photos in exchange for favours, goods or money.
The advices
So let’s try to make a summary of the advice to follow in order to experience an online presence without risks and worries:
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Avoid sending photos of the genitals together with photos of the face and use applications that do not allow the storage of images and avoid taking screenshots.
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Before sending your intimate content, take some time to get to know the other person and, as far as possible, solidify the relationship with him/her.
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You always decide what you want to share about your body and who you are, without feeling judged or guilty if you don’t meet the other person’s expectations.
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Delete sexual content that portrays you or other people to prevent inadvertent dissemination in the event of theft or loss of the device used.
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Remember that any type of violence, even non-physical, can be a punishable crime and must be reported without hesitation.
Glossary
A step back is necessary, however, for boomers who want to experiment on the web. A small Datin(g)lossary (source: “Sexuality and social networks”), which defines attitudes and trends in a nutshell:
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Ghosting : indicates the sudden disappearance, for no apparent reason and without explanation, of the person you are dating or chatting with. The person may no longer respond to messages, may disappear from online channels without any notice and without giving justification;
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Orbiting : the person avoids direct interaction with the other, while continuing to follow him on social networks; in these cases we are faced with a sort of virtual voyeurism revealed by liking or following the stories.
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Catfishing : a user, to have better possibilities, uses an old photo or a heavily modified image to present himself better.
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Breadcrumbing : the person launches rather trivial messages and “in fits and starts” but does not respond to more demanding conversations.
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Curving : in which ambiguity allows one to never clarify one’s feelings or intentions.
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Zombing : the phenomenon whereby you go back to looking for a contact after a period of closure.
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Bird boxing : in which the person appears completely blind to the faults of the person they are dating or chatting with.
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ONS : one night stand. The user states that he wants a one night stand with no further relationships to follow.